if it's ok to date more then one man in How To Understand Men Forum

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if it's ok to date more then one man

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Unregistered(d)	if it's ok to date more then one man	Lead	[-]
Posts: 0 (Mar 11, 2006 12:40:15) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi, I just want to get married and each time I dateonly one guy,he left because I was much too available. Somebody gave me the advice to date more then one to enchance chances to get married because I don't want to fool arroud.A reader here suggested that I should tell them them that I date more people.But men (at least the ones I met) always get offended and try to make me feel guilty and say that they only date me ! It's not true and I found out that ! But each new date pretend that I am the only one and If I say I date other boys,he get lost. What to do then? In case they see me with another guy Carolina
cluelessaboutguys	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#1	[-]
Posts: 163 (Mar 11, 2006 13:17:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I think that if you want to get married, you should date as many guys as you like. After all it's only dating. Until the guy proves that he wants the same thing you want you are free to see whomever you please. I hear so many guys say "someday i want to get married, etc" . If I ever have a guy say this to me, as hard as it might be for me if i am attracted to him, the first time he tried to get intimate with me i would say "someday i want to make love with you". This should make him push up his "someday" plan. I meet most of my few dates ( I try to meet only the guys that i thin there might be something to) online. I have found myself pushing away some responses to concentrate on one that i think is the one. I meet that one and like him very much but it turns out to be a one date thing or i can tell be talking to him that he isn't looking for the same things. There for i have put a week of two into him and wasted my time when i should have had several dates meeting other guys. Date as many as you want, you need to find what's right for you. You want to get married and you need to find the guy that wants the same. You don't have to be exclusive with any guy that hasn't made a committment to you. If he sees you out with another guy and he is truly interested in making you happy, he make the effort to win you back.
Unregistered(d)	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#2	[-]
Posts: 0 (Mar 11, 2006 23:38:02) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Ohh clueless I like you! That "someday I want to make love to you" comment is priceless!! Carolina, I don't really know. If I was seriously looking for a lifetime relationship I don't think I would seriously date more than one guy at a time. If you're dating more than one at the same time to not seem so clingy/intense - well what are you going to do when one man does commit to you and you have an exclusive relationship with him? Suddenly you only have one man to shower with attention, and he might not be prepared for this change in your personality. It's also hard to fully indulge in a relationship and face every side of this person if you have other "escapes". You're mad at Jack because he didn't call you when he said he would, so you call Joe and have a great night with him. Then you don't confront Jack about being irresponsible because by the end of the date with Joe you feel happy and relaxed again. Maybe Jack is a royal loser, but you won't really notice until way later because someone else has covered for his faults. Then, relationships have a way of getting serious, what if you haven't been able to choose one before it gets serious and suddenly you have two dates who both should come with you home for christmas. This is when things get really complicated, and say you actually do break with one but he doesn't want you to go so he sends you flowers and your chosen one is at your house when the flowers arrive? You're definately doing the right thing in at least letting your dates know they're not the only one, but it seems like due to their pride they can't really handle being one of many (even if some of them are double standard douchebags with their own line of dates waiting). How about rather date one guy at a time, and then after a month you have a serious thinking session to yourself where you decide whether this guy is really marrying material or not - and if he isn't dump him and move on. I'm all about easy, and there is nothing easy with trying to figure out two or more men at the same time. (If you're talking about online relationships, you can be a bit more successful about checking out more than one guy at the time up until the point when you want to get serious about one of them.. but your post sounded to me like these dates were all "real life" dates.)
Unregistered(d)	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#3	[-]
Posts: 0 (Mar 11, 2006 23:46:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Oh and about your "too available" issue. I think maybe you have just been unlucky with your dates. Some men love it when women shower them with attention. If this is a side of you that you do not want to change, it is important that the man you end up with loves that side of you - and you're not going to find that man by pretending you're different I am very available when it comes to someone I love. I was that way before we married, and I am like that with him now too. BUT I also make sure I have my own things on the side too, so that I do not suffer when he does not have time. One of the things my man loves about me is that I can entertain myself. There is a difference between being available and miserable, and being available with a "plan B". Maybe it would be an idea for you to find some more hobbies/interests to entertain and inspire you. Hobbies and friends are very important through your life, and it will take you out of the habit of waiting by the phone, if that is how it is
PrettyTulips	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#4	[-]
Posts: 174 (Mar 12, 2006 22:03:09) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I have noticed that if I date more men, the one man I am truely interested wants me even more. Men can 'feel' when you are not 'overly available' for them. It's like they can smell it, so I say the more you date the better. Be fully involved with your dating, enjoy it for what it is. Networking is a great great thing and you can make many friends that way if there is not 'spark'. You can manage your dates like you manage business. Just don't lie to them. Be upfront that you are dating and when you feel it's right to commit you will. (sounds like a man doesn't it?) but really here's what I learned on 'In sync with the oppisite sex' CD from Alison Armstrong. Women don't date, We have relationships. Have you ever noticed that if a man asks you for your number or carries on a promising conversation, or asks you out, you see it as the beginning of a relationship? Well, thats a woman! Men do not do this, so when we start putting all our eggs in one basket and think the beginning of a relationship is happening, they feel it. Their instinct perks up and they smell the C word and then dump the girl. When women tell themselves that they are only dating, we often feel guilty we are cheating on the guy who has not committed to us. We think we are in a relationship when there is no committment so we feel guilty if we date another guy. It's funny how Alison describes it, you should get the CD... But really, I say date! and date alot! Fill up your time, get that self esteme soaring because dating men does that. Even if it doens't work out to be Romeo and Juliet, hopefully their response to you being so flirty and fun is enough to make you feel great. Also, my personal experience is this. If I really like someone, I am intense. I tend to stop dating when I really like someone because I am in a relationship right? Well, when I stop dating others, I unconsciously start putting more attention on the one I really want before I really 'have him'. I move faster than men and this makes the one I really want run really really fast....so if I really want a guy now, I date others and I date alot so I can prevent myself from coming on to them like a vampire. It's my technique. Date! Have fun and remember you are dating, not committing.
Nova74	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#5	[-]
Posts: 14 (Mar 12, 2006 22:23:43) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I really enjoyed reading this post, I feel the same way as carolina. I tend to date only one guy, as a matter of fact I have never dated more than one man. I think I will post a topic about that.
Unregistered(d)	if it's ok to date more then one man	#6	[-]
Posts: 0 (Mar 13, 2006 02:19:33) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi Carolina, I've left my advice for you under: Why are men so fickle.....? Cheers.
Zomique	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#7	[-]
Posts: 173 (Mar 13, 2006 13:22:31) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I strongly suggest dating more than one man...believe that he is dating other women...there is absolutly nothing wrong with keeping your options open...right now Im currently dating 4 guys...Im not having sex with any of them at the moment were just simply dating and thats it...I also spend alot of time reading, with my girls or just simply trying to reconnect with my inner being...this all helps me not to be too available for any one man...I dont thnk that men find it attractive...I've always had better experiences with men when I dated around and when they were aware of it...men love competition so it only ups the antee!
HeathergizerBunny	Re: if it's ok to date more then one man	#8	[-]
Posts: 11 (Mar 19, 2006 15:44:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Date as many guys as you want. You're free to do so as long as you're open and honest about it. You don't have to tell each guy about the other guy specifically just let them know that the relationship is open for now. It'll help you out in more ways because you'll be able to appreciate each guy for who he is as opposed to the way that some women look at dating as "the only chance for true love, the white picket fence, children and a dog". Like I said, just let him know you're not restricted to only each other. Eventually one of these guys won't want to share you anymore and will make a claim for your heart.
fool4luv	Dating more than one.	#9	[-]
Posts: 7 (Apr 3, 2006 07:55:34) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I find that since I am going to be 44 soon that I myself am not into dating more than one guy at a time. I am very interested in marraige and a real commitment. My Value system and self strickness makes it very hard to get through guilt that dating more than one at a time would cause me. I find it very hard to work on a life time commitment when you are trying to show one person that you care for them. But that's just me!! As long as you are straight with each of your dates and let them know that at the present time you are dating others I guess some can live with that. Maybe I'm just not a multitasker when it comes to men. Good luck to all you who are!!!
mystery	I'm with you	#10	[-]
Posts: 2 (Aug 22, 2009 13:05:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	fool4lov, I'm with you. My values don't give me much room to be 'involved' with more than one man at a time. The key in the beginning though is your attitude toward your date. Your first few dates are just dates to get to know each other. You are NOT his girlfriend!! You aren't committed, and it is perfectly alright to go on many first few dates with many men. That's how we figure out what we want in a man, through our experiences. Once you meet a man that wants more than a friendship, that's when dating others is no longer appropriate. Once he expresses a desire to date exclusively, then if you want to pursue that relationship you need to be exclusive to start building the trust necessary in the relationship. Until you reach that point, I'll bet that he is still meeting other women, don't be fooled.

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