ok time for the full story, andrea if you're reading this, this is the only place i can come to because i cant talk to you about it and we dont make our problems public (i figured this is rather public but who the hell knows who we are anyway)
ok 6/12/08 me and my girlfriend got together just after i broke up with my previous of 2 months (im a good guy she was the problem so i dont see anything bad about what i did)
everything is going well im leaving in 2 days with my rugby team for a tour of 2 days and whilst on it i simply cannot wait to get back and see her.So about 3-4 weeks in i realise that shes rather insecure about herself, body,looks anything she can be insecure about i guess, although before this we both talked about other people saying aw theyre goodlooking or theyre hot, the usual i guess, so when i find out her feelings i sort of find it hard to adjust to but within this short space of time ive already fallen in love with her big time (more like took a running leep of everest, yeah shes my world) so i make myself stop looking at !%$$, and other girls in general, instead of seeing all their pro's i see all their con's (and to this day i still do), its not an easy feat for a boy of 15 to accomplish, i mean face reality, its not, but i did it and im glad becasue it made me feel so much closer to her and out relationship got better, but there was always the usual hinting at me do you still watch !%$$? aw i bet you fancy her dont you? to which the answer was always no, i even went to the length of swearing on her life, something i hate doing, because even though its the truth, i dont know its just not nice to say i guess, but it gives her the reassurance, and in some cases it helps me too.In march/april time i was singled out as being sectarian towards two soldiers that were murdered in antrim by the 'IRA' my bebo account had been hacked and malicious things were said towards these two men in my name, i myself am half catholic half protestant, catholisism being my practicing religion but the fact that my mother whom is english had the effect on me that this was terrible and that the two men were only geting pizzas, why would i make fun of this horrible crime, anyway i was singled out in my school for being the person who did this, and being in an integrated school 99% of the protestants pretty much had it in for me which isnt a nice position to be in, but there were 3 main people, and of all 3 i had been good frineds with, the saturday after this i had a rugby match and to my utmost anger i looked to the sideline and saw my girlfriend having a laugh and a joke with these 3 boys, i dont know how i managed not to walk over there and floor the 3 boys and dump her on the spot but i didnt, i had a match and quite simply i love her, after the game i was prepared to end it, but i forgave her on that day, it seems small? but it was the hardest thing id done in our relationship so far. In july she left for turkey with her family and her uncles family, bodrum where they go to from what i have heard and seen for myself is a big party scene, and im not going to lie i was paranoid about her going because the previous year she had gone she had snogged some guy called erin(we weret together at the time) who was still working there this time, so i was kind of warey of this, yeno, your girlfriends around 2000 miles away how would i ever find out, but i lived with it, for 2 weeks, her time away also ran over my birthday for which i never got a text for(she tells me she did send one and i do believe her) which realy upset me and made me think why hasnt she text, what could she be doing, but i lived with it. When she got back all she had to say was how great it was etc etc with me having to ask her if she missed me, which hurt and finding out that she had gotten very close with a turkish boy the same age as us and finding out how he reminded her of me, and that it was nice, i still dont see the nice side of this, all i think is right so he reminds you of me? so you love him too? but i live with it because i love her. Throughout our relationship we have numerous little arguements, i stress theyre little but i still had to fix it even if it wasnt my fault, well i didnt at the start but around 6 months in i did. Now heres where im the +#%!!+!, around the 7th of september at my house we were both together and she randomly wanted to see my internet history, i had no problem with it because ive nothing to hide, she finds that i had searched on google for a woman called jenna jameson who i had heard mentioned on 'sxephil' on *%+!%%!(whom ive not stopped watching because of this) she freaks out because this womans a !%$$ star, i lie and say there was a link on his page for her, i panicked and i lied,i wish now i hadnt, the tuesday after this i tell her the truth because the pretty much knows im lieing but wants me to admit it or she ends it, i cant bluff that so i tell her the truth, 2 weeks pass and life sucks, she ignore me practically doesnt want to talk and i get angry and watch a 5-7 second ******* !%$$ film, at the time it kinda made me feel better, as if id got back at her(i didnt masterbate over it or get an erection) but after it i felt sick because i promised her months before it would never happen, time passes and things never really get better, i still expect more, but shes going off with her girl-friends and one or two boys after school saying i cant come banning me in other words or else it will annoy her, i hate the fact that she did this but i endured it hoping to see the silver lining, time passes and december 2009 comes, she checks my history(which she has now started doing every saturday, i agreed as it helps i guess) and sees that i have searched for the 2nd transformers film, which co-stars(?) megan fox, one of the many women she is verrry insecure about i havent watched the film because as i was searching for it i realised, too little too late i guess, but i frigin lie again and say my sister was searching for it realising how annoyed she is and panicking again, shes on to me right away, knows me too well and i have too own up, i practcally tell her leave me because i cant make her happy but she doesnt want to, we both feel the same for eachother, so from then i really have told the entire truth about EVERYTHING, even if it risks hurting her or making her insecure, i promised i would change and im not breaking anymore promises to her, i cant. But it seems as though things with me and her are only ever ok on friday night( i go to her house on friday night, she comes to mine on saturday) but i cant live like that, i want a relationship that gets better with each passing day, not worse, any small thing i do wrong sets her off and i cant fix it because she wont text back, answer her phone and when were in person the only response i get is 'ok' 'whatever' 'i dont care' or 'i cant be bothered' its just so downhearting, these things can range from using a new abbrevation like nobo- no bother or listening to a song that has lyrics that she reads into, these things i stop for her and because i want to but still we dont seem to progress, i know that ive lied, i lost her trust and all im trying to do is regain it, but its so hard when affection is rarely given anymore, talking seems like a chore and friday is the only night were normal and 'ok' with eachother, ive posted our problems before but always making her look the bad person, im telling the whole truth, i lost her turst but i cant imagine my life without her, breaing up isnt an option really because she is the love of my life,im sorry for the long read and probably numerious spelling mistakes,if you took the time then thank you and please
what should i do?
ok 6/12/08 me and my girlfriend got together just after i broke up with my previous of 2 months (im a good guy she was the problem so i dont see anything bad about what i did)
everything is going well im leaving in 2 days with my rugby team for a tour of 2 days and whilst on it i simply cannot wait to get back and see her.So about 3-4 weeks in i realise that shes rather insecure about herself, body,looks anything she can be insecure about i guess, although before this we both talked about other people saying aw theyre goodlooking or theyre hot, the usual i guess, so when i find out her feelings i sort of find it hard to adjust to but within this short space of time ive already fallen in love with her big time (more like took a running leep of everest, yeah shes my world) so i make myself stop looking at !%$$, and other girls in general, instead of seeing all their pro's i see all their con's (and to this day i still do), its not an easy feat for a boy of 15 to accomplish, i mean face reality, its not, but i did it and im glad becasue it made me feel so much closer to her and out relationship got better, but there was always the usual hinting at me do you still watch !%$$? aw i bet you fancy her dont you? to which the answer was always no, i even went to the length of swearing on her life, something i hate doing, because even though its the truth, i dont know its just not nice to say i guess, but it gives her the reassurance, and in some cases it helps me too.In march/april time i was singled out as being sectarian towards two soldiers that were murdered in antrim by the 'IRA' my bebo account had been hacked and malicious things were said towards these two men in my name, i myself am half catholic half protestant, catholisism being my practicing religion but the fact that my mother whom is english had the effect on me that this was terrible and that the two men were only geting pizzas, why would i make fun of this horrible crime, anyway i was singled out in my school for being the person who did this, and being in an integrated school 99% of the protestants pretty much had it in for me which isnt a nice position to be in, but there were 3 main people, and of all 3 i had been good frineds with, the saturday after this i had a rugby match and to my utmost anger i looked to the sideline and saw my girlfriend having a laugh and a joke with these 3 boys, i dont know how i managed not to walk over there and floor the 3 boys and dump her on the spot but i didnt, i had a match and quite simply i love her, after the game i was prepared to end it, but i forgave her on that day, it seems small? but it was the hardest thing id done in our relationship so far. In july she left for turkey with her family and her uncles family, bodrum where they go to from what i have heard and seen for myself is a big party scene, and im not going to lie i was paranoid about her going because the previous year she had gone she had snogged some guy called erin(we weret together at the time) who was still working there this time, so i was kind of warey of this, yeno, your girlfriends around 2000 miles away how would i ever find out, but i lived with it, for 2 weeks, her time away also ran over my birthday for which i never got a text for(she tells me she did send one and i do believe her) which realy upset me and made me think why hasnt she text, what could she be doing, but i lived with it. When she got back all she had to say was how great it was etc etc with me having to ask her if she missed me, which hurt and finding out that she had gotten very close with a turkish boy the same age as us and finding out how he reminded her of me, and that it was nice, i still dont see the nice side of this, all i think is right so he reminds you of me? so you love him too? but i live with it because i love her. Throughout our relationship we have numerous little arguements, i stress theyre little but i still had to fix it even if it wasnt my fault, well i didnt at the start but around 6 months in i did. Now heres where im the +#%!!+!, around the 7th of september at my house we were both together and she randomly wanted to see my internet history, i had no problem with it because ive nothing to hide, she finds that i had searched on google for a woman called jenna jameson who i had heard mentioned on 'sxephil' on *%+!%%!(whom ive not stopped watching because of this) she freaks out because this womans a !%$$ star, i lie and say there was a link on his page for her, i panicked and i lied,i wish now i hadnt, the tuesday after this i tell her the truth because the pretty much knows im lieing but wants me to admit it or she ends it, i cant bluff that so i tell her the truth, 2 weeks pass and life sucks, she ignore me practically doesnt want to talk and i get angry and watch a 5-7 second ******* !%$$ film, at the time it kinda made me feel better, as if id got back at her(i didnt masterbate over it or get an erection) but after it i felt sick because i promised her months before it would never happen, time passes and things never really get better, i still expect more, but shes going off with her girl-friends and one or two boys after school saying i cant come banning me in other words or else it will annoy her, i hate the fact that she did this but i endured it hoping to see the silver lining, time passes and december 2009 comes, she checks my history(which she has now started doing every saturday, i agreed as it helps i guess) and sees that i have searched for the 2nd transformers film, which co-stars(?) megan fox, one of the many women she is verrry insecure about i havent watched the film because as i was searching for it i realised, too little too late i guess, but i frigin lie again and say my sister was searching for it realising how annoyed she is and panicking again, shes on to me right away, knows me too well and i have too own up, i practcally tell her leave me because i cant make her happy but she doesnt want to, we both feel the same for eachother, so from then i really have told the entire truth about EVERYTHING, even if it risks hurting her or making her insecure, i promised i would change and im not breaking anymore promises to her, i cant. But it seems as though things with me and her are only ever ok on friday night( i go to her house on friday night, she comes to mine on saturday) but i cant live like that, i want a relationship that gets better with each passing day, not worse, any small thing i do wrong sets her off and i cant fix it because she wont text back, answer her phone and when were in person the only response i get is 'ok' 'whatever' 'i dont care' or 'i cant be bothered' its just so downhearting, these things can range from using a new abbrevation like nobo- no bother or listening to a song that has lyrics that she reads into, these things i stop for her and because i want to but still we dont seem to progress, i know that ive lied, i lost her trust and all im trying to do is regain it, but its so hard when affection is rarely given anymore, talking seems like a chore and friday is the only night were normal and 'ok' with eachother, ive posted our problems before but always making her look the bad person, im telling the whole truth, i lost her turst but i cant imagine my life without her, breaing up isnt an option really because she is the love of my life,im sorry for the long read and probably numerious spelling mistakes,if you took the time then thank you and please
what should i do?
