I'm in a public speaking club, and I have another member mentoring me. I've only had a couple of conversations with him, and have been behind with writing up my speech, so I haven't really been speaking to him that much. I also have OCD with writing, so I've been a bit avoidant because of the writer's block. And I get slightly embarrassed showing work in progress, anyway. This is a social situation, not a work or study situation. There hasn't been much social contact at all - neither of us have really spent time in conversation, nor did I have any expectation. I know he's not married. Don't know about a girlfriend - but I've never heard one mentioned by him or anyone else. So there is the context. Now for the curious bit.
I would say over the last month or so (maybe even as much as two), I have been getting a lot of eye contact. I would venture to say more than other members when seated during club meetings. During his speeches, I also seem to get eye contact. The latter is normal - a public speaker will shift eye contact from person to person. But there are about 30 or so in the club, and I think that it would not be likely that he would be able to give equal eye contact to that many. But I still get it at least a few times during a single 5 minute speech. I turned up at another club's competition to see what contest environments are like, and he turned out to be the guest speaker for the event. Nobody goes to contests except those involved, so I was feeling pretty awkward being the only real audience there not connected to anything. I was in the second row; as test speaker, before his speech, he was naturally in front of me. He turned and spoke to me, asked me how I was - which I answered, but pretty briefly. Then he asked something about a speech - I presumed that he meant the speech I'm supposed to be writing, but I couldn't hear properly and the contest was about to begin. I did go up to him during interval and explained why he hadn't heard anything from me (ie as mentee), explaining that I have OCD difficulties which affect my writing, and avoidance is part of that, so I do apologise for the lack of contact. We spoke briefly about the speech project, and other speaking stuff in general, and I had mentioned that I had had writer's block for a month, and that I had also done some soul searching about the level I want my performance to improve to and where it was currently at. During that brief conversation, I did show a determination and passion for the topic that probably hadn't been seen hitherto. Then he excused himself to circulate. Fair enough at these events - you can't really just stand and talk to one person.
I understand all that. But what I don't understand is that he was sitting opposite me at our last meeting and granted he had to look somewhere, but I seemed to get quite a bit of eye contact. And much more than a few seconds at a time(didn't count, but I'm sure it would have been at least 10 seconds- I could see out of the corner of my eye in peripheral vision before turning to meet the gaze). I probably wouldn't have thought anything of brief glances, but they were held steady - and it kind of hit me that I was being gazed at. I met the eye contact each time, but I was the first to break the eye contact each time. It happened several times during the meeting.
Actually, even during the contest speech a few evenings before, I got a fair amount of eye contact. I've heard the speech before - it was a humourous one on dating and trying to find an intelligent, warm, and supportive woman. Could he have just NOT given a direct glance during THAT phrase? On its own, again, I probably wouldn't take much notice - there's some stagecraft involved in giving a speech like that, so you don't tend to take it personally. But what was really interesting, was that it was an evaluation contest, and one of the evaluation contestants made the observation that he didn't feel that he got enough personal eye contact as an audience member during this speech. I definitely wasn't feeling like I never had enough eye contact!
I had a segment in the meeting a few days later which went well, but had a guy who dislikes me try to throw and undermine my performance by making pushy remarks during my segment, which I handled professionally and wasn't ruffled. My mentor never spoke at all during the break - and that is fairly usual. At the end of the meeting I swear I had only just packed up my stuff and was still sitting down when he was over to where I was sitting, telling me that I had done a good job with it. I began to talk a little about it, then in the middle of it, he excused himself again to speak to someone. It's not the first time I've done something well, but it's the first time that he's actually come up specifically to tell me. I mean, it was pointed and deliberate. And it had to have been quick moving to get from there to where I was sitting. I don't know whether maybe it was because it was some sort of show of support given this other guy's targeted behaviour during my segment (who is known for doing things like that to other members), or maybe that he realised maybe I needed a bit more support as mentee. If it wasn't for the fact that I get so much eye contact when we're not in a conversation I'd interpret it that way. But the stark contrast just has me confused.
In every other way he displays confident alpha male characteristics - definitely not a shy wallflower. But then, I've not exactly been easy to get to know - at least not for him. I seem to be able to chat away to other members (maybe that may be because I find him attractive?). He also does not have any sort of 'player' reputation.
The other piece of the puzzle is that I think he likes smart women. I'm actually a member of Mensa and 3 other high IQ societies, so I do fall into that category, though I don't know to what extent intelligence shows in that setting or whether it's noticeable. Most members know that I have a passion for reading and books. A couple of other members know about my IQ and Mensa membership, but I've never discussed it with my mentor. Though I was joking with someone at that contest about the fact that one of my employers has cottoned on to it and wants to make it known within earshot of the guy (and the word Mensa was in the conversation), so I don't know if he heard or not. I am no conventional skinny beauty, either. So if he's interested, it has to be for personality or somesuch.
I definitely haven't paid him any sort of personal attention. Mostly I've been oblivious (except for the fact that I notice this eye contact stuff). The only other thing that happened was that I competed in my first impromptu speaking contest a while back. I don't think I performed particularly well, but placed second and have moved up to a higher round of the competition now. As contest chair, he had to shake my hand when he introduced me, but nothing significant. I can't think that anything I said or did on that occasion would be any great reason for the eye contact - even if it was meant to just connect with me on a mentor/mentee level.
So I'm very confused. I've discussed it with a female friend, who said it sounds like he's interested. I actually wouldn't mind getting to know him a little more, and think he's attractive, but I'm not exactly holding my breath if it just turns out that he's trying to be polite and friendly. I probably should get to know him even on that level. He did try to talk with me a little about the upcoming speech project during that contest, but I was a little embarrassed about my progress (I am also a perfectionist who hates talking about my work until I can show something half decent.) But honestly, every meeting it feels like, 'oh no, here comes the eye contact again - try to look natural!' It does have me intrigued.
Too many conflicting variables for me to make sense of. (And I am hoping that if he is single he's not looking on this site, because I've just given enough details for the guy to know exactly who he is, who I am, and how I'm currently interpreting the situation.)
Does anyone have a take on this?
I would say over the last month or so (maybe even as much as two), I have been getting a lot of eye contact. I would venture to say more than other members when seated during club meetings. During his speeches, I also seem to get eye contact. The latter is normal - a public speaker will shift eye contact from person to person. But there are about 30 or so in the club, and I think that it would not be likely that he would be able to give equal eye contact to that many. But I still get it at least a few times during a single 5 minute speech. I turned up at another club's competition to see what contest environments are like, and he turned out to be the guest speaker for the event. Nobody goes to contests except those involved, so I was feeling pretty awkward being the only real audience there not connected to anything. I was in the second row; as test speaker, before his speech, he was naturally in front of me. He turned and spoke to me, asked me how I was - which I answered, but pretty briefly. Then he asked something about a speech - I presumed that he meant the speech I'm supposed to be writing, but I couldn't hear properly and the contest was about to begin. I did go up to him during interval and explained why he hadn't heard anything from me (ie as mentee), explaining that I have OCD difficulties which affect my writing, and avoidance is part of that, so I do apologise for the lack of contact. We spoke briefly about the speech project, and other speaking stuff in general, and I had mentioned that I had had writer's block for a month, and that I had also done some soul searching about the level I want my performance to improve to and where it was currently at. During that brief conversation, I did show a determination and passion for the topic that probably hadn't been seen hitherto. Then he excused himself to circulate. Fair enough at these events - you can't really just stand and talk to one person.
I understand all that. But what I don't understand is that he was sitting opposite me at our last meeting and granted he had to look somewhere, but I seemed to get quite a bit of eye contact. And much more than a few seconds at a time(didn't count, but I'm sure it would have been at least 10 seconds- I could see out of the corner of my eye in peripheral vision before turning to meet the gaze). I probably wouldn't have thought anything of brief glances, but they were held steady - and it kind of hit me that I was being gazed at. I met the eye contact each time, but I was the first to break the eye contact each time. It happened several times during the meeting.
Actually, even during the contest speech a few evenings before, I got a fair amount of eye contact. I've heard the speech before - it was a humourous one on dating and trying to find an intelligent, warm, and supportive woman. Could he have just NOT given a direct glance during THAT phrase? On its own, again, I probably wouldn't take much notice - there's some stagecraft involved in giving a speech like that, so you don't tend to take it personally. But what was really interesting, was that it was an evaluation contest, and one of the evaluation contestants made the observation that he didn't feel that he got enough personal eye contact as an audience member during this speech. I definitely wasn't feeling like I never had enough eye contact!
I had a segment in the meeting a few days later which went well, but had a guy who dislikes me try to throw and undermine my performance by making pushy remarks during my segment, which I handled professionally and wasn't ruffled. My mentor never spoke at all during the break - and that is fairly usual. At the end of the meeting I swear I had only just packed up my stuff and was still sitting down when he was over to where I was sitting, telling me that I had done a good job with it. I began to talk a little about it, then in the middle of it, he excused himself again to speak to someone. It's not the first time I've done something well, but it's the first time that he's actually come up specifically to tell me. I mean, it was pointed and deliberate. And it had to have been quick moving to get from there to where I was sitting. I don't know whether maybe it was because it was some sort of show of support given this other guy's targeted behaviour during my segment (who is known for doing things like that to other members), or maybe that he realised maybe I needed a bit more support as mentee. If it wasn't for the fact that I get so much eye contact when we're not in a conversation I'd interpret it that way. But the stark contrast just has me confused.
In every other way he displays confident alpha male characteristics - definitely not a shy wallflower. But then, I've not exactly been easy to get to know - at least not for him. I seem to be able to chat away to other members (maybe that may be because I find him attractive?). He also does not have any sort of 'player' reputation.
The other piece of the puzzle is that I think he likes smart women. I'm actually a member of Mensa and 3 other high IQ societies, so I do fall into that category, though I don't know to what extent intelligence shows in that setting or whether it's noticeable. Most members know that I have a passion for reading and books. A couple of other members know about my IQ and Mensa membership, but I've never discussed it with my mentor. Though I was joking with someone at that contest about the fact that one of my employers has cottoned on to it and wants to make it known within earshot of the guy (and the word Mensa was in the conversation), so I don't know if he heard or not. I am no conventional skinny beauty, either. So if he's interested, it has to be for personality or somesuch.
I definitely haven't paid him any sort of personal attention. Mostly I've been oblivious (except for the fact that I notice this eye contact stuff). The only other thing that happened was that I competed in my first impromptu speaking contest a while back. I don't think I performed particularly well, but placed second and have moved up to a higher round of the competition now. As contest chair, he had to shake my hand when he introduced me, but nothing significant. I can't think that anything I said or did on that occasion would be any great reason for the eye contact - even if it was meant to just connect with me on a mentor/mentee level.
So I'm very confused. I've discussed it with a female friend, who said it sounds like he's interested. I actually wouldn't mind getting to know him a little more, and think he's attractive, but I'm not exactly holding my breath if it just turns out that he's trying to be polite and friendly. I probably should get to know him even on that level. He did try to talk with me a little about the upcoming speech project during that contest, but I was a little embarrassed about my progress (I am also a perfectionist who hates talking about my work until I can show something half decent.) But honestly, every meeting it feels like, 'oh no, here comes the eye contact again - try to look natural!' It does have me intrigued.
Too many conflicting variables for me to make sense of. (And I am hoping that if he is single he's not looking on this site, because I've just given enough details for the guy to know exactly who he is, who I am, and how I'm currently interpreting the situation.)
Does anyone have a take on this?
