I have been with my partner for almost 2 years. The age gap is not even something we think about... our souls are the same age. I am usually mistaken for being in my late twenties or early thirties, so i dont believe that age is our issue. But we sure do have some issues! I feel so sad and alone right now... this is kind of long, but could you please read it and offer some advice? I am crying in front of my computer on a Friday night and feel so utterly lost.

The issue that is constantly chipping away at my self-esteem is what I am posting about. HE NEVER SEEMS TO WANT SEX!!! If i didnt initiate it, I think we'd probably only have it once a month! He rejects me at least 50% of the time.. or provides precursors before I even initiate it.. "i''m sooo tired... my stomach hurts.. i've got a killer headache..." you name it, I've heard it.

I have always had a high sex drive - would be very happy to have it 10x per week. From past relationships and encounters, I am aware that i am a very sexy woman, and am great in bed. Please don't think I am arrogant, or disillusioned - I have heard this second hand from exe's friends... I wasn't just "buying into praise" I feel it is important to mention this because i want to prevent receiving advice about improving my behaviour in bed, that is simply not the issue. When we do have sex (only when I initiate) - which is about 2x per week, he does seem to enjoy himself.

Obviously it is not realistic to expect to have sex 10x per week - I would be completely satisfied with 3x per week. IF HE INITIATED. Perhaps you're thinking.. oh.. what a selfish brat.. she gets it 2x per week.. she should stop her whining"... But when it feels like the only reason he has sex with me is to appease me, because he knows he hasn't "given it to me" in a few days, it's very difficult to feel desired. I am constantly feeling hurt and rejected. Always wanting it, always being ready... makes me feel very vulnerable and, even desperate.. its degrading to want to be wanted so badly. I am also feeling resentful of him, because he has power. I am not saying he withholds sex to feel powerful, or to have power over me.. but I resent his power.

I'm not sure how early in the relationship i started to feel a lag on his end... I was very satisfied with our sex life for at least the first 3 or 4 months, but... as I try to think back (such a crappy memory!), a part of me is wondering if I was just buying into his excuses early on... He did have some big stresses about 2-3 months in.. work, death in the family, etc.. so I could see myself blaming lack of sex on these things. (which are justifiable.. dont get me wrong.. I don't expect someone to always be up for it.. especially when they are stressed or upset).

But I do recall feeling rejected about 3 months in. We talked about it.. and he reassured me he is very attracted to me, but stressed out.

Meanwhile.. we appear to have an incredible relationship. We have so much love and intimacy.. We kiss and cuddle all the time (he initiates that bigtime), always say I love you, and share a lot of fun times together. We have hobbies that we enjoy together, we laugh together and at each other frequently, and we take care of each other in little, thoughtful ways all the time. But the sex...

I must reiterate... it is not the fact that we only have sex 2x per week (because, really, that's not that bad)..; it is the fact that he only seems to have sex to appease me.

So here we are... Friday night. He's at work. I'm at home, feeling frustrated because he has to work late tonight (works at a restaurant and its Valentine's weekend) and a part of me is wondering... is he really working late.; or is something shady going on? and another part of me is anticipating the "I'm soooo tired." We had a quickie on Tues morning and a quickie on Saturday morning.. so tonight will be the 4th night without it if I dont initiate. I think another thing that's really upsetting about this whole scenario is that I feel manipulated... what I mean is that a lot of the time when he says these things at bedtime, I sense that he is being dishonest and just saying these things to avoid sex.

I can respect someone having a lower sex drive than me.. and compromise.. no problem. But when he masturbates 2 or 3 times per week... well that doesn't seem like he's lacking libido now, does it?

Ok.. so.. just talk to him, right? Been there, done that, tore off the t-shirt! Seriously.. "the elephant in the room" comes up every couple of months when I start to feel too depressed to communicate normally with him. When I start to give him one word answers and stop greeting him at the door when he comes home from work.. he knows somethings bothering me and he pulls it out of me. He has to pull it out of me because more often than not, I dont want to talk about it. As I have expressed to him... "how can i ask you to WANT me?" It's degrading and painful.

So tonight, I am not initiating anything. In fact, I dont feel like ever initiating anything again. I am so hurt and resentful that I actually feel like hurting him. Not physically... but hitting him with some really mean words. I wont, of course... but this is how I feel. So disconnected from the man I love.

My biggest problem at the root of all this, is DOES HE REALLY LOVE ME?

A whole nuther can o worms.. he has been dishonest with me/outright lied to me about female friends on a few occasions... He has had inappropriate sexy emails/facebooks with female friends. He swears he was only doing it "for fun" and to get some attention (which is believable cuz he has an incredibly strong need for approval) and that he has never done anything physically inappropriate with anyone since we have been together. Quite honestly.. the guy has never had the chance.. we're together 24/7. When this all came out in the open, it was a really big deal for me and i was going to break up with him. He begged me to stay, swore he wouldnt do anything like that again and that he would spend the rest of his life proving to me that he was worthy of me. We have been working to rebuild trust ever since.

His apparent lack of desire isnt helping in the trust department. Can anyone help me? Thank you very much.