I'm 34, and I've been divorced twice (the same woman).  My fiance is 41.  I've been pretty much betrayed my whole adult life by most of the various women I've been serious about (only 4 relationships that I'd call serious) and even my children (I’ll explain), but I've never really been the jealous type.  My first wife cheated first, but I took her back (I didn't know but she cheated a second time too after I took her back).  Then she started being selfish and destroying our finances and taking advantage of me, and left me home with the kids while she ran the street, and then I ended up cheating on her, and left a week later).  I know that was wrong, but it was a ten years ago. I was accused of being jealous once by an ex, but after all, she had been cheating on me for weeks, and left me for another guy, and told me she was leaving me for the other guy because I was being jealous and suspicious.  She actually was cheating on me, that is, and while she borrowed my truck for a week and disappeared.  So yeah, I went to find her and the truck!  That’s clingy? When my last relationship ended (with my ex wife who I re-married), she was having an affair.  I should mention that I was my kids’ only parent for a total of 6 years, from the time my youngest was 5 months until she was 6.  My ex wife, who became a heroin addict (and god knows what else) after we separated the first time moved away and wouldn’t travel to see them and we never knew where she was.  

Now I’m in a tough position. I've been separated for 18 months, since my wife left me for a man she had been having an affair with and took the kids and moved them in with him.  I've been divorced for 3 months. 17 months ago I began dating this woman; let’s call her my fiancé, even though she isn’t anymore. I met my fiancé a month after the separation, and introduced her to my kids about a month later.  We started off hot.  We really clicked right away.  It was like everything was perfect. Then she did some crazy stuff, like hysterically crying because I sent my ex-girlfriend a message on face book, and threatening to leave me because my daughter was throwing things at her son in the car, and freaking out for not answering her texts right away, and she was really needy, and insecure, and always pushing things along an questioning whether I was committed to her, would ever marry her, etc.  When she got the idea that something was wrong she’d threaten to leave.  She'd fly into a rage and into despair over issues related to my kids and my ex-wife, and I'd fly into a panic every time she over-reacted. 

I was getting divorced when we met. It seemed everybody in my life had a problem with her. She was somewhat emotional and angry, often freaked out, and would threaten to leave every time she felt slighted.   I was going through a nasty divorce at the time, so I spend all my money fighting my ex wife for custody, and in the meantime we got engaged, but she feels more a minor part of my chaotic world than the center of mine or her own.  I once had joint custody, before my fiancé and I were engaged and before we lived together.  My ex wife (who left me before I met my new girlfriend) wouldn't stop harassing me and starting trouble, either. My kids (who lived with me half the time) at that time and with their mother half the time didn't want to give the new woman a chance, or even help form being mean to her and her son. Well, she began getting very upset about this, and becoming angry at me, like she wanted to leave me, and I reacted by most of the time making sure that they weren't both with me at the same time. I'd spend my time when I didn't have the kids with her and when I did have the kids 3-4 days a week. I'd once or twice a week go see her and leave my kids at my mom's. Still the kids were jealous of her and she became upset about it, and was jealous of me spending most of my weekends with the kids, and not her.

Then my ex re-filed for full custody, after settling with me, and I ended up with visitation every other weekend my kids and my ex-wife lied to social services and said that I was beating them and trying to kill them and all kinds of crazy stuff.  I reacted by simply throwing up my hands and moving in with my fiancé. I'd raised them by myself for half of their lives, mind you, and now they were teenagers and fighting me in court so that their mom could have custody.

My ten year old continued to say I was beating her and there were threats, conveyed by mutual friends and my 10-year old daughter that If my ex-wife didn’t get what she wanted (monetarily) in the divorce, sexual abuse allegations would be made by my son against me.  All of that is untrue, of course, and I still can’t understand why they did that.  They have since re-canted certain things to the authorities, and as a result I lost custody, but I still get to visit them, and now my visits are at my mom’s house and are not supervised.  For six months, I had supervised visitation of my kids because of the false abuse claims. Anyway, they live with their mom's boyfriend (who is only 5 years older than my son, and was the older brother of my son's best friend), and have since the very day that they found out that their parents were going to split up. I felt that I was much more considerate, and would have not moved in with her if the kids hadn't said that I had abused them and if I didn't have supervised visitation for six months. So, right now, I have a temporary court order. I get Sunday from 10AM till 8PM.

My fiancé and my kids don't get along.  She was supportive at first and tried on and off to have a relationship with them, but eventually she gave up.  I have tried very hard to be good and considerate of the kids.  I tried not to have my kids spend too much time around her until she moved in with me.  I am also very hurt and angry that my kids would rather not have me in their lives than put up with my new fiancé (especially considering they absolutely love their mom's 21-year live-in old boyfriend, and my 10-year old daughter actually calls him "daddy").  My fiancé and her kids did nothing wrong to them and they have done a lot wrong to her and her kids.  My son has always been very rude to her and her kids. My 10-year old daughter has physically abused her 4-year old son (he weighs less than 25 pounds and she threw him into a shelf).  At other times, though they treat her better than they treat me. She has said that she hates when they come over, mostly because of the way they have treated me. I feel that I'm getting all the blame for the divorce.  That's really not fair because she left them 10 years ago when my youngest daughter was 5 months old and my oldest child was 6. I raised them by myself with no help from their mom and hardly any visitation, because she didn't care enough to see them. They wouldn't even have a relationship with their mother at all if it weren't for the fact that I went way out of my way to try to make sure that she kept in contact with them, and eventually re-married her 4 years ago after a 6-year separation and divorce. Now I'm the one who they are pissed off at. I don't even know if they treated me that way before because I had a girlfriend (who they hardly ever saw), but I do know that now they expect that if I want to see them at all, that I have to do it on their terms, or they and their mother will take away my visitation rights.

My kids have been really bratty and they were often rude and unfriendly to her and her son (4). My fiancé is extremely sensitive about it, and very protective of her son. She really got stressed out and uncomfortable around my kids and is quick to get angry with me or to have her feelings hurt when they are around.  My house where we were living for a while used to be my ex-wife's and my house, and my mom owns half of it and is living there now at the time we were all living there, My fiancé and her 3 kids (5, 20, and 22) and 2 grandkids, my mom, and me.  My fiancé always felt like she is out of place being there and that she doesn't fit in, like guest. My kids when they come over make her feel unwelcome and they sort of take over when they were there.  I found it very difficult to discipline my kids effectively. They came over for a couple of days at a time, and their mom bad-mouths me and rewards them for treating me like dirt and acting badly when they come over. My mom really made it worse by catering to their every desire and going behind my back and buying them things which I cannot afford to get them and which I really don't think they deserve.  If I try to punish one of them, she buys them some present.  She just does what she pleases and automatically takes over, and argues with me and makes me look like the bad guy all the time.  She would buy the kids all sorts of things but never buy my fiancé’s 5-year old son anything, and we never have any money.  So my fiancé always wanted to go out when they were over, probably to get out of the house and distract her and her son from just being with them around the house. 
The kids attitude toward my fiancé and her son bothered my fiancé so bad, that for a while she wouldn't go around my kids, and now she would avoid them (and me) when they are around, and she always seems to get mad at me every time they are over.  I was trying to get full custody because their mom was being terrible and wouldn't stop screwing with me, harassing me, taking me to court over made-up stuff, and trying to take first my joint custody and then my visitation away.  My kids do try to be nice sometimes, but my fiancé seems to be determined to get in a fight or get upset, no matter what the kids do though. My fiancé was so upset over the thought of the kids coming to live with me full time, that she said she might want to "just date" if that happened, and she seems convinced that they will break us up if they move in with me.  I asked her how long were supposed to "just date?" She said she didn't know.  I asked her if she would see other people while we were "just dating."  She said she wouldn't do that.  I asked her if she still wanted to get married. She said yes, I said "well are we going to just date for a while and then get married one day and everything will be somehow different?"  She said no. I said "well you are either going to marry me or you’re not.  We're not going to get married and live apart to avoid the kids and my kids aren't going to just go away if we just date for a while."  I said "I’m not stupid, if we're just dating, you're not going to be serious about me and you're going to start looking for somebody else you can be serious about." She backed down when I said that, but she still said felt that way.  She was supposed to be marring me, and she says she was looking forward to it, but she said she would move out if I get joint or full custody of my kids?
So, I was always having these ideas that I need to worry, or that I can't trust her, or that she's going to leave me.  It wasn’t all the time, but it was often enough to bother me a lot. It may be because I care so much about her. I love her like I never thought I could ever love anybody and be loved back.  I guess if I didn't care, I wouldn't have anything to lose. I didn’t accuse her of doing anything at first; I just tried to keep these thoughts to myself.  I'd never been this way before, but I've never been a relationship this long with someone I love this much. It might be because she has told me about how she left some of the other men she has been serious about for other guys.  But I thought at the time that she felt differently about me.  It isn't all the time, but I get paranoid sometimes. Maybe it is because I had an affair when I was married the first time. Maybe I worried because my fiancé said before that if she didn't feel like she loved me anymore, she would divorce me, even if I treated her good, instead of continuing to try to work things out.  I don't think people should get divorced just because of their baseless and possibly temporary feelings. My fiancé’ is very moody, and sometimes it is like she can't stand me, and wants to criticize everything about me and make me sound like a terrible person, or accuses me of being mean to her (I guess sometimes, I am a little mean to her, but not really, I’m mostly just irritable occasionally, and I don’t' know why either, that's new too). Anyway, it makes it much worse when she is like that.  The accusations are not warranted, except that in the beginning of our relationship I spent way too much time arguing with my ex. I’ve learned that hating my ex so much that all I do is talk about her is kind of like still being involved with her. I still had feeling, even if they were all negative.  But I see where that fear comes from. Every other guy she has been with either cheated on their other girlfriends or wives with her, or cheated on her, and many have treated her badly.
It is difficult to tell reasonable thoughts from unreasonable ones when I'm like that. It’s like I'm a whole different person, and have a whole different idea of who she is when I'm like that.  I kept thinking it would go away.  I wasn't like this in the beginning. It was hard because I've learned I should trust my feelings, but I thought that my feelings were misleading me. I guess I just know how much it would hurt me if we split up, and so I worried about all kinds of things like that.  Most of the time we were fine and I didn't think this way.  Was in therapy), but because I take that advantage to complain about our problem with each other and my problems dealing with them, my therapist was always playing Socrates on me, trying to make me re-consider my relationship, which annoyed me, because that's not fair to my fiancé, who is a really good person who, at the time loved me and treated me well, most of the time.  I was on anxiety meds and antidepressants for a long time, but not now. 

About 6 months ago things started to change a lot.  The problem was that there was a real disconnect between what my fiancé used to tell me about her feelings when she means to and the things she said and did on a regular basis. She occasionally told me she loved me out of the blue, and often with real emotion. She told me she couldn’t wait to marry me, but she always said things that are critical of me, often accused me of various thinks, like still wanting my ex-wife, got upset at little things I say, tells me she thought I am going o leave her one day, and that I will probably cheat on her, sometimes snaps at me like she hates me or something, almost never apologized when she treats me bad, complained about me taking too long coming home from work, and getting jealous if I’m an hour late. 

 
Eventually she started finding excuses to not spend time with me, and more often than not often acts like she can hardly stand to be in my presence a minute longer, ignores me completely, doesn't say anything, and almost tries not to look at me when I see her for the first time that day or when one of us walks into the room, she was cold to me a lot of the time, has threatened to move out because of problems with my kids, her kids, and my out families. It used to seem like we went through big short downs followed by long ups.  But then, the downs seemed more like us just not having a relationship at all, and the ups are getting less good and shorter and fewer and farther between.  If I told her I love her too often, she got irritated.  She didn’t talk to me hardly at all, but if I didn't talk to her much she accused me of being in a bad mood, and got defensive and irritable.  Nevertheless, no matter what, she always made a point to tell me she loves me and wants to marry me.  I really didn't know what to do.  I tried being more attentive and affectionate. I tried giving her some space.  I tried telling her how I feel.  I tried just keeping my mouth shut.  Nothing seemed to work very well.  I do think the world of her as a person and love her very much. I just didn't really feel that feeling back as much as I should, and it's not all me being paranoid.
I have visitation every Sunday now, from 10AM to 7PM, at me my and mom’s house (where my mom lives, I live with my fiancé).  That's because and because they recently told the court that they didn't want to stay the whole weekend because they felt uncomfortable (well my son said that, my older daughter said she was fine with coming over for the weekend, and my younger daughter said she never wanted to see me again, not that I really understand why).  I visit them at my mom's house, but this really makes my Fiancé' feel put-out, as if I have a separate family that I go to every Sunday.  Also, how are we ever supposed to become a step-family?  I feel like the kids and she and I have to be able to spend time together and learn to live with and accept each other. My kids don't seem to want to take the rest of my visitation away even if I take them to my house and around my fiancé', but I can't be sure what they are telling other people, like their mom and their lawyer. So, I am constantly living under the threat that my visitation will be taken away or something.  So, now I see them at my mom's on Sunday.

Then we had a big fight (well she stormed out and threatened to leave, and I apologized profusely).  I wrote them a letter just before officially losing custody, telling them that i loved my fiancé, but that I would leave my fiancé', or any woman, if it was the only way to have a relationship with them. My fiancé found the letter and read what I said, and she freaked out and she seemed to change.

Shortly thereafter, we moved into a place of our own to get out from under my mom’s feet, but my kids wouldn’t tolerate coming over to my house, because I share it with my now fiancé and her kids, and after one day, my fiancé refused to allow them over, or threatened to take her son and leave until my kids went home.  We moved out thinking her kids would help out. Well, they haven't yet.

After we moved out and after I wrote that letter, about 5 months ago, it was like she couldn't see the good in me anymore, or forgive me for anything. She started having her 5-year old son sleep on top of the covers in our bed, between us about 26 days out of the 28 day month. Sometimes he would falls asleep on the couch and it's Saturday night, and I thought we were going to have sex for the first time in 2 weeks, and she goes right to sleep. We stopped having sex except every 2 weeks.  I became irritable. So I got fed up and asked what was going on with us and we argued. I couldn’t confront her about how she was behaving she just blew up at me. 

She began to be cold, angry, mean and critical, taking everything I say and do in the most negative way, being unreasonably judgmental of me, and she stopped talking to me. I tried to confront her about it nicely, telling her how I felt, but this was met with screaming at me, and I screamed back. I tried to shower her attention and kindness, and telling her I loved her and trying to talk to her, but she only became agitated, annoyed, and told me she wanted her space, that she thought I was hovering, being clingy, being controlling, being annoying, etc. she wouldn't speak to me, and I could never think of things to say to her. If I did say something to her she would just give me a one or two word response and cut me off.  Her older kids were in the house, and so she would talk to them, telling them everything, and saying nothing to me. It wasn't all the time but it was the rule, and her coming up and talking to me, sitting next to me on the couch, instead of on the other side of the room or the house, or giving me any affection became the exception. She never, in 6 months, said she loved me, or kissed or hugged me for no reason. She said she didn't want sex all of the sudden, and it abruptly went from twice a week to about every 2 weeks, and then it felt forced. I'd try to take her out for romantic evenings and she'd either dress like she was doing yard work and insist on going to a hamburger joint and straight back home, or she'd bring her kids along and talk to them the entire time, including the anniversary of the night we met and Valentine's Day.

I make an real effort to be nice to her 4 to 5 year old son and have a relationship with him, but he sees me as competition for his mother's attention, which he monopolizes, spending all his time either acting out, climbing all over her, or biting, hitting and spitting her or her granddaughter.  And my fiancé has some sort of aversion to punishing him and lets him run amuck, throwing food and all sorts of things on the floor, when he doesn't get his way, or just to get attention.  She spends all her time taking care of her son and her granddaughters.  He bosses me around and I play with him a lot, but he hits me throws things or bites me if I say I need to take a break or do something. Her older kids were trashing our house, didn't pay rent, even after getting jobs (her son never did). 

Now and again, things seemed back to normal with her, but things would sour again and again. I'd say something, not meaning to criticize her or hurt her feelings, and she'd get really mad for what seemed like no good reason. Sometimes it seemed like she was mad at me for nothing at all. All of the sudden it was like we had not relationship left. She would hardly talk to me. She stopped wanting me to be around her so much and would avoid me and ignore me whenever I was home, almost all the time. Things got worse. She stopped talking to me and gets mad at me for moping. I'll say something inoffensive, such as saying "honey don't cry" to her baby granddaughter, or "Dylan!" when her son hit the baby, and she would freak out, accusing me of yelling at her of the kids.

And then my fiancé took a pay and hours cut, and was only making 150 a week, and eventually lost her job altogether, so we are getting evicted, and have no place to go. I was really down and frustrated.  Nobody takes care of the house. Everybody lives off of me. Her kids couldn't get jobs, and when they got jobs, couldn't pay rent, even when we were getting evicted. The adult children's boyfriends and girlfriends started crashing there and eventually moved in, and I somehow found myself supporting 5 other adults and 3 small children, with no help from anyone, except that my fiancé bought the food.
We had to postpone our wedding twice because my ex-wife drew out the divorce for 15 months, and then when I finally got divorced, my fiancé refused to set a date until we had money to pay for a church wedding and reception.

We never spent time together doing anything. I try to take her out for a romantic evening and she brings her son and/or her friend and talks to them the whole night.  I am ignored. I and ask if we can eat dinner together or do something together, and ask why we're not having sex nearly as often as we used to, and she says she is being smothered. I tell her I love her and she says "stop saying that all the time!" She stops telling me she loves me. I try to take her out to dinner and she insists on getting burgers at her favorite burger joint and going straight home.

Have any of you been in love, and in a serious relationship, maybe even engaged, and inexplicably, or just because of some stupid fight, and even though you’ve tried to be everything to her, she just basically falls out of love with you, starts seeing the worst in you, everything you do bothers her, if you're nice, affectionate, and attentive, you're being clingy, obsessed, annoying, if you're anxious and worried about the relationship, and try to talk about it, or just sulk, you're being depressing, pushing her away, starting fights, and bringing her down? She starts having problems with everything you do or don't do, no matter what that is, and even things totally out of your control, starts ignoring you and you're feelings, doing all sorts of rude, mean, obnoxious insulting, and even demeaning things, starts avoiding you, wants to go to bars without you, won't go on dates with you, won't hardly have sex, then stops altogether, won't talk to you won't do anything with, and then complains that "we don't talk," or "you just don't listen to me," tells you she doesn't love you anymore, or doesn't know if she loves, you, or doesn't know how she feels, and wants her space, but isn't ready to break up, etc

I go away, and she neither seems like she is going to miss me when I leave, nor seems happy to see me when I come back. She goes away and I take her to the airport, and tries to get out of the car and leave without kissing me goodbye or saying goodbye (I'd only been in town 3 days before she left town to see her sick father), and when she's almost ready to come home, I have to leave again. I make an elaborate "shrine" with love notes and cards we gave each other over the last 18 months since we met, and set it up in our room, so it is waiting for her when she comes home, while I'm still away. So we don't see each other for several days, and I come home and she doesn't even let me hug or kiss her at the airport, and spends the whole ride home on the phone with her daughter.  Then we seemed to be getting along, but I got very sick, and the time away seemed to spoil me. I get really sick, and she starts to really mother me for a while, but then tries to say she wants to go out to the bar (where she never goes) without me because I am sick. She waits until I’m sick and now she wants to go out to a bar for the second time in a year and a half, without me?

Just after that, about two weeks before Easter I got mad at my fiancé and yelled at her like I’d never done before, except maybe a couple times when she was chewing my head off.  I tried to call in sick with my boss, and went outside and wouldn't let him follow me because he was yelling, but my fiancé came out an yelled at me, and then I yelled back, like I'd never done before, telling her that "he's only coming out here to **** with me; he's always ******* with me!" I was still very sick, and I blew up that her for the first time in a long time. I apologized over and over, but she stopped touching me and hardly talked to me. I tried being nice, but she just got mean.

She was mean constantly and hardly spoke to me for a week.  Then on Easter, I asked he what was going on with us and she said she didn't know if she loved me anymore and didn't know if she wanted to stay together.  She was on the Face Book and refused to pay attention to me or look at me or while she said it.  She said it while she was typing to one of her friends.  I felt totally belittled and insulted and like she didn’t care at all. I became very upset and was heartbroken.  I asked if she wanted me to leave, and all she said , still while typing on facebook, was "I don't know, you pay the rent I can’t ask you to leave" I left for one night, but came back, but I felt like she would rather I hadn’t.  After I begged her, she said she wanted to try to work it out, but still said she didn’t know if she loved me and that she definitely didn’t feel the same about me.  A couple days later, she still says she doesn’t know if she loves me, and so I said "If you love me you know," and then she said (screaming) “well I guess I don't.” 

I decide that I have to leave my fiancé, and plan to break up with her that night.  My friend tries to convince me that my fiancé is cheating and gives me a girl's number to text, one of his friends.  I take it change my and relationship status on Face book and my profile picture (it was of me and my fiancé). Then I decided to leave her, and I talked to my friend and he talked me into texting his female friend.  Then my fiancé called and said she might think about taking me back, but told me she still didn't know if she loved me, didn’t want me touching her, trying to be affectionate or sexual, sitting near her following her around the house, talking to her, etc. So I told her she had to change and she had to actually work on the relationship. So we just got into a fight. I am pissed so I text this other girl, but then I realize that what I’m doing is crazy, that I’m not ready to even leave my fiancé, much less talk to some other girl.  I see my fiancé, and blow the other girl off in the morning.  Later that day my fiancé and I agree to work things out. She tells me she loves me, just not like she did before.  She calls me and when she can't get me, accuses me of cheating, finds out I changed my relationship status on face book from engaged to sort of no comment, and we fight, and I try to explain it away. 

Then the next day, she surprised me and says she loves me and will take me back, but she clarifies that she doesn't love me "like she used to." and I say OK, but you're going to have to try. We decide to spend some time apart, but that lasts one day and night and we meet and talk and she decided to try but says that everything isn’t going to change over night, but we decide to go away for the weekend.  We have one good night, but then I start thinking that she's acting sneaky.  She gets a call and she starts walking away from me without talking and while still walking away and says "no, yeah, he's here" and gets off the phone, playing with her phone and saying she lost signal.  Then she starts texting for a long time, and goes out of her way to show me a text from her daughter, but I go through her phone later (the second or third time I’ve ever done that), and the text was over 2 hours old.  She was texting somebody else.  The phone call was also erased.  Then someone texts her an hour later, and she responds, and sees me looking, and quickly turns away, then gets up and goes into the bathroom to finish texting.  But, I put it out of my mind for a while, and we even have sex that night for the first time in 3 weeks, before all this started.  But while we’re having sex I tell her I love her and she gets mad at me because I ask her to say it back, and she won’t.  In the morning, I look at her phone later and no texts and no calls saved at those times.  She notices me looking in her phone and we start fighting again and she goes back to being cold.  I tell her well you have to talk to me and be kind and affectionate, or how's anything supposed to improve? She blows that idea off, and tells me that she might not ever marry me. Then I see that she's sleeping with her cell, and look and she's texting somebody in bed, at about 10:30 at night before I went to bed, and I take the phone from her and it’s some strange number and they are talking about Osama bin laden getting killed, and she says it was the guy down the street, her son’s friend, and he texted because he thought she was her son because her son had been using her phone earlier, and she responded not knowing who it was.  I got mad and asked the girl if she wanted to just be friends.

Then things got better.  My fiance seems to be acting civil to me, forget affection, but I text the other girl and I cut it off.  Two days later I told my fiancé about the whole thing.  She broke up with me gave me back my engagement ring, and I broke down crying.  She said she couldn’t believe she had sex with me.  The next day I went to talk to her and broke down in tears but she laughed at me for crying.  After begging her the next day, she agreed to try to work things out, but said I had cheated on her and she didn't know if we could work things out because she could never trust me again. She says I cheated and dumps me, gives me her engagement ring back. I beg for her to take me back. She does, but won't agree to marry me, or put the ring back on. She seems nice for about an hour, not affectionate, but friendly, then ice cold again. I text her but she never responds. I tell her I love her, she says ummhuuu...like she has been for months.

Then she goes through my computer and internet accounts and sees I was asking questions about our relationship on advice sites and sees what I had been saying and breaks up with me.  So I beg her to take me back and she does, but now things aren’t just bad between me and her, they’re bad between me and her kids, because I complained they weren’t helping with bills.  Then I meet a guy at a bar on a Tuesday night while we were broke up and after we got back together, he called me and she asked who he was, and I told her the whole story (I’d met him about 2 days before but I never mentioned it to her or that I’d gone to a bar). She blows up accused m of keeping secrets and breaks up with me again, I beg her to take me back, and she does, kind of, without actually saying so I had to ask the next day and she said “yeah I guess but you need to stop lying.” That night her son gets into a fight with his girlfriend and I try to calm him down, and he hits me in the face and punches holes in out wall sand bedroom door. 

Two days later my fiancé goes away for a week because her father died.  We start talking again on the phone, things look up a bit.  I pick her up from the airport and everything is fine, but when we get home she starts ignoring me completely, I figure I’ll just give her some space, and start cleaning the house, doing laundry, dishes, etc. the next morning.  The next day, I stay, and she asks why I’m not seeing my kids.  I say because I told you I saw them yesterday instead and they are at my mom’s but I was going to spend time with you.  She said no, that I should go see them.  I say well, I’d planned on going over for a while, but they were still at church, so I’ll go over at 2.  At about noon, she says she’s leaving because she made plans to go out.  I ask her where she’s going.  She says “you don’t need to know!”  I ask her if she’s going out with a friend, to run errands, etc.  She says “I just have things to do, I have plans.” And I don’t need to tell you everything I do.  I get pissed, we argue, and I storm out and go to my mom’s to see the kids, I try to talk to her, ask her to tell me where she is going, and I end up arguing with her on the phone because she accuses me of trying to be her father and says she’s going out tonight too, and she’s not telling me where she’s going, and hangs up on me.  So I text her because she won’t answer the phone and tell her that that if she’s going to go out tonight and won’t tell me where she is going that I don’t want to be with her. But then I try to take that back, but, she texts me back and says “ok, that’s fine,” and I try to talk to her and tell he I don’t want to break up, but she says you broke up with me and you can’t take it back.  I tell her that’s not what I did, but she refuses to take me back.  That night I leave for 10 minutes and come back and she’s gone with her son, supposedly to help her son’s girlfriend’s sister because she is stuck on the side of the road.  But I wait and wait, and I call and text but she won’t answer and 5 hours later, I get her daughter to call and ask her where she is and when she’s coming back, but she tells her mom that I want to know, before her mom can answer (it was really quiet, so could hear her talking through the phone).  She says she’s 2 hours away, in another state, where her son’s girlfriend’s family lives, and she’s too drunk to drive home.  She comes back at 6:30 in the morning, 9 hours after she left .  Her son’s freaking out, and nobody will tell me why and he’s taking his girlfriend to the emergency room and nobody will tell me what is going on.  I go down and meet her and look at her, and look at her and she says “What?!”  So I ask her what happened last night and she says nothing!”  I ask her son and he just says some stuff with his girlfriend’s sister and her boyfriend.  Everybody’s being silent about the whole night.  She still won’t tell me what happened.  I get home last night not knowing what to expect because she didn’t answer my calls or anything all day.  She says I was being crazy trying to call her all night and texting her.  I say you sneak out and go drinking and stay out all night and won’t answer the phone, and want to complain about me for calling you and texting you a few times?!?!  I ask her if we are still working things out but she won’t tell me and she tells me to leave her alone.  I ask her what happened and she only says that I don’t tell her what I’m doing with my secret friends and texting other girls! She insists that I broke up with her by telling her if she went out at night and didn’t tell me where she was going I didn’t want to be with her.  I tried to explain that I said that in anger. I gave her some space but, I tried to talk to her about it again several hours later, but she just screams at me “you’re driving me crazy! I can’t get 5 minutes peace!” I don’t think things will ever get better.  As soon as they do, she wants to sneak out and stay out all night?  After being away for a week?  We haven’t had sex in a month because we never really made up after I told her I texted that girl and the previous time was maybe 3 weeks before that.  Mostly she just stays the hell away from me.  She won’t be nice to me.

Now I think I’m just tired of begging for her to take me back again and again, and worrying about why she’s acting this way and apologizing for what I have done, as if I did it for no reason. When she does something wrong, she almost never apologies.  She's been mean and cold almost all the time and won't talk to me hardly ever for month. I do everything for her and shower her with affection but she only says I'm being clingy. Everything my former "fiancé," current girlfriend does is A-OK, according to her. She actually says she's never did anything wrong. Everything I do is wrong and terrible, and I don't love her and am a jerk, and only care about myself.  If I actually make a mistake, wow! Circumstances? What are circumstances?

I didn’t know what is going on and she wouldn’t even tell me where she went that night or what happened, or what she wants, whether I should stay or go, nothing. 

I'm pretty sure ir's over for good she made that clear, and I'm already starting to feel OK about it. I don't know if she was cheatign or not. She wouldn't say one way or the other. But it doesn't matter now. I don't think I would ever take her back now. Any comments would be appreciated, though
I realize that there is a core problem having to do with her feelings for me and her inability to see any good in me, to forgive me for anything or to understand anything and that everything that has happened in the last month is just compounding that, and things seem worse than ever, and I don’t know what I can possibly do about it.

I met somebody and we really connected and there was really good chemistry, and I get to know her a little better, and I realize that she is a really good person, but that she has a temper, and occasional violent mood swings, and overreacts to anything negative, practically exploding. At first the emotion was fear and panic and despair, but quickly that turned to anger, criticism, suspicion, etc. I knew it was bad news when it first began to happen. But I thought I could deal with it. By then I was deeply in love with her. Eventually, though I found out that her entire perception of things is disconnected from reality in a lot of ways. Increasingly, they are based on suspicion, and a negitave and critical outlook of me. Also, her violent mood swings, critical nature, suspicion, and temper begin to change the way I behave. Soon, I find myself walking on egggshells to try to stay out of trouble. But trouble finds me. She begins to make unreasonable demands of me all the time. So I begin to be secretive, to avoid arousing her jeaolusy and critical nature, and going behind her back to do things that I need to do, such as talking to my estrainge wife about seeing my kids, and so forth. I even find myself lying to her to avoid arguments. She finds out I'm keeping things from her, lying to her, and we fight every time she finds somethign out, or every time I tell her something she doesn't want to hear. I'm starting to ger pissed off, but afraid to lose her I keep everything to myself, take the blame, don't confront her over her behavior. But, gradually her idea of you changes, along with her behavior. Every fight that I seemed to have forced on me results in her being a bit colder. She never really wants to make up with me, just stays cold for days and weeks, even until the next fight sometimes. I did consider stopping the relationship early on, But I'm in love with her and really wanted her to be the person who she is when she isn't so suspicious and angry, and wanted her to see me the way she used to and love me the way she used to. I know that's unrealistic, but I dont and cant want anything else right now. Sh'e probably doing me a favor by leaving me, but I wish she could have trusted me and let me be who I am and who I need to be, and let things progress more naturally, and forgiven me for wrongs and perceived wrongs, and nod abandoned me emotionally, not ignored me. But that isn't what happened. Nevertheless, I'm not there yet. I still feel such a need for her. I still think she is a wonderful person, and can't see the wrong in her as wrong or bad. I can't be angry at her for more than a day, no matter what she does or how she feels. I still love her, and I've never felt this way, or at least not in many years. I wish I didn't. I wish I hated her. I wish I didn't care. I cant care about anything else anymore. The funny thing is I'm so level headed and calm, except since I've been with her, or since my wife left me, and she's so level headed and calm, except when it comes to me. Maybe we care so much that we are afraid, and she is so afraid that she sees negative things that aren't there, and percieves things in the most negative way, and that led to a real sense of betrayal, and real betrayal, and loss of communication and affection, and even respect, and then I reacted to that, after trying to smooth things over for so long iand it never working.