I am not a guy who thinks chatting with the opposite sex online as a matter of course is OK when you are in a committed relationship.  However, I have a problem with where the boundary should be.

My girlfriend and I have a longstanding committed relationship and it is virtually trouble-free.  I violated the trust by chatting online with an old girlfriend years ago.  I was apologetic and contrite and have never done it again – it was wrong.

The problem is now that my girlfriend has made it very clear that any conversation or any friendship with any woman beyond discussing the weather is potentially a problem.  

I have virtually zero contact with women friends online or offline.  I have a couple of old girlfriends as Facebook friends and there is zero communication beyond "Happy Birthday."   She knows my password and can log in to my account any time she wishes.  We have had two problems in the past few months.   The first time I made a over-complimentary comment on a friend's picture.  I was only joking but I mention the word "drool" - it was not a provocative picture but my girlfriend got very upset.  I deleted the comment, apologized and offered to unfriend the other woman, although she had done nothing wrong.  

Today I was friended by a close friend I worked with for two years when I was in high school – 30 years ago.   We were very good friends and that was the nature of our relationship until I was on my way to college and we hooked up one time.  I saw her maybe once or twice early in college but nothing more ever happened and I never saw her or spoke to her again.  After 30 years, we found each other on Facebook and had a brief conversation about "how are you" with nothing inappropriate.  Unfortunately, although it started as a facebook e-mail, it turned into a "chat" (on FB they are interchangeable) because I happened to be online at the time.  As I was at my girlfriend's house starting a movie, a few minutes of chat became a problem and not thinking, I didn't immediately quit because it was nice to hear from my close friend after so long.

I realize I shouldn't have been talking to ANYONE during our time together – I never do unless it's my kids.  However, this is a tough one because it was nothing more than a close friendship that was more than that for one afternoon 30 years ago.  I am not looking for regular contact with her or anyone else.  However, it's being made increasingly clear to me that any contact I have with any woman is suspect.   I am willing and happy to behave myself for the love of my life – it makes her happy and it's the right thing to do.  However, at what point does it become more her issues than mine?     I have had many more sexual partners than she has over the years so the chance of contact with one of mine is far more likely; however now they've all been characterized as "some woman I f***ed" and the problem before that was with someone I had never had any relationship with, online or off.

At the same time, she has been invited for drinks with an old boyfriend from high school – they never slept together but did everything else.  They have corresponded and while they haven't gone out yet, she now says she's going to go so the rules will be the same.  Personally, I wouldn't have cared if she saw a good friend after 25 years – I trust her – but why don't the same rules apply?

I am not looking to "hang out" with women online or off. I want to do the right thing and I am willing to go the extra mile but I would also like some other input.  Her representation is that any woman would feel the same way and every man in a relationship either understands that, moves on or cheats.  I would like to live within reasonable and fair boundaries – what should they be?