As gently as I can, I'll say that it seems that you're whitewashing a lot and you're clearly leaving a lot of important information and details out. I think you really know the truth of the situation and are trying to paint it a little prettier because you don't want it to be the way it is.

You justify your boyfriend's pot smoking habit because he's growing medical marijuana? How does smoking weed excessively, so much that it affects your life have anything to do with growing medical marijuana? How does using make him a good guy and how does growing make smoking it acceptable? Sounds to me like growing gives him easy access with a legal excuse for possessing the stuff. That's not honorable at all.

I don't get how he went to AZ to inform his sister she had terminal cancer? Doctors don't work that way...they tell the patient themselves, not someone else. To disclose the info to another is a violation of HIPPA, patient confidentiality. He would not have been the one to inform his sister.

You wonder if he's using you as a back up because his girlfriend left. Did he contact you while he was with her or was it only after the girlfriend left that you heard from him again? If he stayed in contact while he was with his ex, did he indicate he felt he'd made a mistake in leaving and taking up with this girl? Did he indicate plans in ending his relationship with her? If not, then yes, he's with you only because his other option dried up. I don't understand what difference it makes if his ex-girlfriend was cheating or not? Are you saying this is a reason to feel sorry for him? Or are you saying this backs up his story that she left? Either way, fact is, if he didn't contact you until she left or indicate interest in leaving her, you're the replacement. He says he loves you...I'm curious about when he started saying that. You haven't been together for two years and you've only been back together for five months and he loves you? You've both had two years of different lives and the changes to each of you that happen in that time; in five months he hasn't had a chance to really know who you are yet, but he loves you? I'm betting he said it pretty early in, but I'm just guessing.

You said he texted you that he missed you and that you should meet to catch up so "of course" you meet up with him. No, not "of course". I don't understand why you would? You said you've always been there for him, even when he gets drunk, calls you names and treats you like crap. It doesn't sound like this drunk, verbally abusive behavior is something that's come up as a result of the death of his sister, it sounds like this is how it's always been. So I ask you, why would you go back to someone who calls you names and treats you like crap, but treats you right "sometimes" too? Why would you go back to verbal and other abuse? Why would you go back to a relationship that treats you right "sometimes"? Your life is not worth settling on less than acceptable and this is not acceptable. So, why do you think you're not worth more? Why would you go back knowing what you were going back to -- a verbally abusive marijuana addict who has no ambition and sees you as his second choice? You excuse his behavior because he bottles up his emotions and then bursts. Well, that's no excuse, there is no excuse for being abusive towards anyone. You're simply finding a way to excuse his abusive personality. Why would you do that? He's not weak -- he's not too weak to smoke his pot, to drink, to treat you like crap and call you names. The weak one is the one who stays and takes it. His "weakness" is the way he sucks you into staying by playing on your emotions and getting you to feel sorry for him because his sister died. Was his behavior different before or is this just another version of how he is? What is his counselor dealing with and why didn't he do it himself? Seems like he's doing nothing to help his "problem" and you're doing everything, including taking the brunt of what his "problem" causes him to do (abuse you). Has it occurred to you that the only one who can resolve his "problem" is him but he's doing nothing? You're trying to fix a problem that's not yours -- you didn't cause it and you can't fix it. The only person who can fix it is him and he's doing nothing.

Are you being used? No, not really. You willingly walked into it and you're willingly staying. The question is why are you letting this happen to you? You were out and you put yourself back into it.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you're really in a bad situation, despite how you tried to paint it prettier.