We have male relationship coaches (like John Alanis - "The King") telling other men to let the women come to them. And we have female coaches (such as Mimi Tanner, Amy Waterman, Marie Forleo) and even male ones (e.g.Christian Carter) telling other women to almost always err on the side of letting the men come to you. But putting 2 and 2 together, if attractive men and women both follow the advice to let the other side come to them, how can men and women get together at all in the first place?
This is how this question is relevant in my life: There is a man that I see weekly on a professional basis (he teaches me a musical instrument) that I have expressed an attraction to, and he has verbally reciprocated that the attraction is mutual (he said that he finds me to be very pretty, he told me a bit about himself, asked me a bit about me, said "we should have you along to the concerts" and his exact words at the end of the conversation were: "I've enjoyed talking with you very very very much." And yes he really did say "very" three times). In the past myself not having had any luck in relationships with being the initiator, and having read Christian Carter, Marie Forleo & Amy Waterman this year as well as your newsletters, I have thoroughly resisted being the one to first ask him out because I value it enough that I'd rather risk nothing happening at all if it's not solely his desire to go out with me, without any prompting on my part. From past experiences I've learned how unfulfilling it is to do all the work right down to doing the asking for the guy. It's been many months now since the mutual attraction was first expressed and he hasn't asked me out (although I am not in a hurry - but I must say I'm tired of guys being so dang passive with me - it really makes a girl feel unloved - and I have considered finding another teacher). He did seem like he was hinting at us going out soon after our "revelation" when he told me about an upcoming concert that I "just had to go to" (to which I replied "Yes I knew about that one, I'm definitely going and already have a ticket" and yes, I know that was probably too self-sufficient a response - but he didn't actually ask me out and I did already have a ticket so I was just being honest). I know he does find me attractive and may even think I've flaked out on him. I know that he is single (& 43 whereas I'm 36) and I doubt he's gay because I know there's an attraction. He lives with his Mother which may or may not be relevant, because he did move away to another town as an adult but came back a few years ago for caretaking reasons. Can anyone give me any suggestions, recommendations or insight on this situation?
Thanks!
This is how this question is relevant in my life: There is a man that I see weekly on a professional basis (he teaches me a musical instrument) that I have expressed an attraction to, and he has verbally reciprocated that the attraction is mutual (he said that he finds me to be very pretty, he told me a bit about himself, asked me a bit about me, said "we should have you along to the concerts" and his exact words at the end of the conversation were: "I've enjoyed talking with you very very very much." And yes he really did say "very" three times). In the past myself not having had any luck in relationships with being the initiator, and having read Christian Carter, Marie Forleo & Amy Waterman this year as well as your newsletters, I have thoroughly resisted being the one to first ask him out because I value it enough that I'd rather risk nothing happening at all if it's not solely his desire to go out with me, without any prompting on my part. From past experiences I've learned how unfulfilling it is to do all the work right down to doing the asking for the guy. It's been many months now since the mutual attraction was first expressed and he hasn't asked me out (although I am not in a hurry - but I must say I'm tired of guys being so dang passive with me - it really makes a girl feel unloved - and I have considered finding another teacher). He did seem like he was hinting at us going out soon after our "revelation" when he told me about an upcoming concert that I "just had to go to" (to which I replied "Yes I knew about that one, I'm definitely going and already have a ticket" and yes, I know that was probably too self-sufficient a response - but he didn't actually ask me out and I did already have a ticket so I was just being honest). I know he does find me attractive and may even think I've flaked out on him. I know that he is single (& 43 whereas I'm 36) and I doubt he's gay because I know there's an attraction. He lives with his Mother which may or may not be relevant, because he did move away to another town as an adult but came back a few years ago for caretaking reasons. Can anyone give me any suggestions, recommendations or insight on this situation?
Thanks!
