I think he's being ruthless towards you!!! Playing with your feelings and enjoying it.

It seems to me that he loves both of you and likes to play with 2 women that are with him and love him.

Don't give him that pleasure! Don't devote yourself to him if he's not TOTALLY devoted to you.
I've already said in another post (similar to your situation, you may like to browse and read what I've said there), do not settle for second best!!! if he wants to be with you, then he will be with you and you only!!!

so she got pregnant!! what happened to abortions? so lets say she didn't want to have an abortion (so she could lock him in). even in this case, he could tell her that she can have the baby and promise that he would be there for the baby (and the baby only), but he didn't have to marry her BECAUSE of the baby right? not good enogh reason to marry someone. you marry because you want to BE with that person. and maybe he DOES want to be with her, as he told you HE LOVES HER.

Now what you should do:
If he calls you, tell him he can only call you after he has divorced. tell him to you don't want any friendship/relationship with a married man. always repeat this when you talk to him:
YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN! YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN!
Remind him that he's married, in case he's forgotten that.

Tell him that you respect the fact that he's married and ask him to respect your will of not wanting to be in contact with a MARRIED MAN.

He might wait a few weeks to let you cool down then he'll ring again (maybe you have forgotten by now that he's married). and when he does, again say: YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN, I DO NOT WANT SEE YOU WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED. PLEASE RESPECT THIS. So again, you remind him that he's married. Don't by shy to throw this true fact in his face, you're not lying.

In the meantime, try to find a single man to be with you and only you. You don't want to share your man with anyone do you?

And while time passes and maybe he will realise that he wants you (badly enough) then he'll realise he has made a mistake marrying the wrong woman, he'll get divorced. Then will crowl back to you. If that happens, scream BINGO!

At this stage, you will have all the control that you need to decide whether you take him back or not.

One more thing, now at this stage, if he asks you (tests you) whether you would go out with him or even marry him if he gets divorced, never give him a direct answer. Say something like: "first lets get to the bridge, then we'll see how we cross it" or "we'll see... I don't want to think about this at this stage" or "ask me that when you are divorced" or "it's too soon to even think about it, you are STILL MARRIED".

Bottom line, don't give him the pleasure of being with 2 women - NEVER!!!

Dana, you are right on target. I have done everything that you have said to do. That is why the post. I do date and I love it.

It has now been six months and he still calls or when he can't raise me on the phone he will stop by the house. That is why I am getting tired of him now. My patience are wearing thin.

I know I am an attractive woman. I love life and I am a flirt, if I have to say so myself, life is good to me in the men department. So, being second in a man's life is not even close to a thought. When were together the 10 months.....he was actually more attentive and treated me like a queen. Íf I didn't know any better I wouldn't have thought he was married.

But he was a friend before a lover or anything else. He is a good person even though he has made a mistake. I guess, what you have said, for me to do and what I have been doing is all I can do or get very ugly and nasty at this point.

I just want him to go away without having to destroy our friendship but I guess I will have to accept the fact that we can't be friends at this point and just let him now he is turning me off and I wish he would go away.

I think I understand where you're coming from. You were really good friends, and you will always care about him and wish him well. You don't want him to hurt because he's a good person.

He knows you well, so well that he always knows what to say to soften you up. At this point he sounds to have the same effect on you, as drugs on a previous addict. You know he's not good for you, you know he's hindering you having a full life - but when he gets into your system you just can't help yourself.

Which makes it even more important for you to stay away and make sure he does not get close enough to pull you in again. Yes you were friends before, but it is obvious that friendship is not possible between you at this stage. Your only option is to stay away, and make sure he stays away from you.

He has the option to divorce his wife and pursue you, but he is not using that options. He obviously has good reasons for that, his child, and so he has made his choice and needs to deal with it - and let you live your life.

I agree with the ladies saying that you should let him know exactly what will happen if he contacts you. And then you HAVE to follow through. For your own sake, and for his. Release him from trying to get you back, let him know it's the end. Maybe not having you as an option will 1-give him the energy to make his current relationship better or 2-make him realize that his relationship is so bad (he has no other outlets so he has to face the realities of his life) that he has to get out. This limbo stage benefits neither of you.

Change your phone numbers. And when he calls you at work, or from a different phone number, simply hang up. You can even tell him up front that you care for him, and you always will, but you WILL NOT talk to him. If he calls you anyways, well then you really can't blame yourself for "hurting him". There are no laws saying you have to make conversations with everyone who calls you at work. Yes I am sure you wish to keep a professional attitude, but you can even say "sorry wrong number", before you hang up. If he doesn't let up then this IS harrassment and needs to be dealt with accordingly.

Do not pity him if he is harrassing you and has to pay for it. Just as you wouldn't pity him if he broke into your house and robbed you, and got caught. Or if he deliberately ran into your car and injured you for life, and was busted for it. Yes, I know he wouldn't do the last two but it IS the same principle here.

Don't protect him when he steps across the limits you have laid out. Let him know there will be consequenses if he does.

Again, for both your sakes.

Good luck.