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Hard To Get - Your Personal Guidebook on How to Play the Game of Love!

By Mimi Tanner, Author of
Should I Call Him? The Complete Guide To Calling and Emailing the Men You Date

and How To Flirt With Men - Secrets of Flirting With Men

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Need your help ladies

Author	Comment
fins25	Need your help ladies	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (Dec 13, 2009 19:31:01) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Okay will try and be brief. In a relationship for 2 years, became engaged, very quick, passionate, intimate rel'p. We both were sure we had found our "true love" in each other. Looking back we were probably both craving this type of relationship. She had difficulty with my 16 year old daughter, basically asked me to "choose" between her and my daughter. Anyway will get to my question, a month before our relationship finally broke up for good and have had no contact since, my fiancee, at the time, slept with another man. This guy had asked her out several times, she had said she viewed him more as a "companion" just didn't have the same chemistry as we did. Said she finally decided to go out with this fellow, our relationship was breaking down somewhat prior to this, to be in a rebound relationship so she could forget about me. This fellow also has an 11 year old daughter which according to her "adores her" and thus is seems more attracted to this daughter then this fellow, yes my opinion. Anyway we broke off all contact as she said she wanted to pursue this relationship, with the hope she would eventually fall in love with this guy as he had everything she wants right now, a daughter, possiblity of starting a business with this guy and wants to pursue this as she feels she can overcome the love thing if everything else is there that she wants. I was actually willing to overlook the infidelity, try and work things out, until she decided to end the contact and said she just needs to do this. When she said to me, that she wanted to have no further contact she asked me if we could spend one more night together, I will wait for your response before I let you know what happened. Anyway thoughts? I am very confused, but have decided to move on and attribute this to a lot of immaturity on her part. Thanks for your comments, be nice!!!
termessi		#1	[-]
Posts: 109 (Dec 14, 2009 14:49:38) Forum Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi, I am sorry for your dilemma. You do not say how old this woman is; however, it wouldn't matter what her age is if there are issues between her and your daughter. It can happen at any age. For her to ask you to choose between her and your daughter wouldn't work either. If you chose her over your daughter eventually you would resent her and then your problems would escalate from there. You could lose contact with your daughter and that would be the most damaging. A daughter is part of YOU. The woman is not. However, you are not saying if there is a reason for the problems between them. They should all be addressed but that probably should have already happened. I would also think that having sex with another man while you were still together would be hurtful and hard to overcome. The fact that she did that and is talking about having a relationship with this man to "see" if she can make it with him...nothing about this sounds right. I feel bad for the other guy to be honest; as well as feel for you. Life is too short to compromise what your true values and feelings are. Do not let someone else tell you how you should feel or what you should do. It is totally up to you. As for her wanting "one last time" I would have hoped you said no. You deserve so much better than that. If her only problem was between her and your daughter that should have/could have been worked out. There seems to be much more to this story. Hope you can move on and find someone special to share your life with. Good luck!
fins25	thanks	#2	[-]
Posts: 3 (Dec 14, 2009 18:30:43) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Thanks for your response. When we first met, I was 45 and she was 29. Yes quite an age gap. She always seemed to have a problem that somehow I was putting my daughter first in our relationship. I was seeing my daughter about every other weekend and would drive to attend any events she had going on school related/outside of school, this was about 4x a year if that. My fiancee at the time would attend some of these. She also had an issue that I communicated with my ex, my daughter's mother. I would only do this if necessary, i.e. surgery purposes, maybe making changes to a weekend etc. My fiancee just felt that I should have no contact with her as she had no contact with her ex. I think what is sad but more so confusing is she said to me that she finds this man a "companion" or she actually used the word more like a "cousin" she said she needed to "drink" in order to sleep with him that night etc. etc. Yet she is moving in with this fellow, they may already have, with the hope she will fall in love with him. Yet I think this is more about his 11 year old daughter who views her like a "mother" and is very attached to her in a short period of time. I think I know where this relationship is headed and feel sorry for this 11 year old. But not really my problem. The other thing she found attractive in terms of this other fellow was that he has full custody of this 11 year old where I did not have custody of my 16 year old. She just found this so much easier. Again very confusing for her to be with this new fellow for about a month (yes maybe the wool was really pulled over my eyes and it had gone on alot longer) they are planning on trying this "trial" period to live together and now talking about buying a house in about a month from now.... Yes, it was difficult for me at the start to move on but as I look back at the situation and really think about what she did and is doing, it has really made sense to me what kind of person she really is and that I will be better off. Again thanks for your opinion on this.
termessi		#3	[-]
Posts: 110 (Dec 15, 2009 08:30:28) Forum Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	So sorry to hear about your pain. It will take a long time I'm sure. I am in a relationship where when my ex was diagnosed with cancer I was the only one he would talk to and I would take a day off here and there to take him to the beach. My boyfriend was very understanding. In fact, they had met each other on some occasions when my ex would come to see our son who lives with me (but he is 24 not 16...a big difference I guess.) My boyfriend would even take me to visit my ex in the hospital and when my ex died I was the only one by his side. He was a VERY nice man but not as a partner but we stayed friends. My boyfriend still takes care of his ex also. Maybe we're a rare breed but we had history together with our exes. Same with you. It's good to be in contact with your ex ...it helps your daughter in so many ways. I wish I could say something that would ease the hurt right now but I cannot. It will take time. But you sound like a wonderful, wonderful man who deserves all good things. You never did say whether you slept together that one last time but it's really none of my business. As long as you're okay with your decision that's really all that matters. Take good care of yourself...remember....there's ONLY one YOU!
Angelfire7	This may no longer be relevant to you...	#4	[-]
Posts: 6 (Feb 15, 2011 14:57:22) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Just read your post and as an outsider, I noted a few things: It seems your gf is very insecure/immature. She has shown jealousy for your daughter and your ex. I am willing to bet that she has made little comments about other women you work with or when you are out with her because of her insecurities. Actions speak louder than words... regardless of what she is telling you, the facts remain.. She slept with someone while you were still together and she is moving in with someone. Even if what she is saying is true.. that she has to get drunk to sleep with him.. That is just as bad, if not worse!! This shows a major lack of morals on her end. She doesnt appear to value other people's feelings at all, especially yours. You seem to good for someone like that! She wants to sleep with you again?? Jeez.. i hope you didnt give her what she wants.. she just seems to take, take, take. I hope when you get this, you have already moved on. If you havent, then I really hope this makes you think. She is not a good person. She does not deserve you! Keeping your feelings wrapped up in her will prevent you from meeting the kind, unselfish woman that you do deserve. Good luck!

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