First off, I'm not quite sure that everything I'm going to say pertains to the matter - I'm using this to find advice as much as just to vent some feelings I haven't told anybody else. Thanks for your patience in advance.
So.. where to start?
Some characteristics: I'm 18, I live in France, I'm in my first year at law school, hoping to be a diplomat, or eventually a lawyer later. Decent at school, although that's only because I'm not very inspired by my work - I think once I get a job I'll be far more achieving, since it should be something interesting. I'm pretty smart, trying to get fit through an exercise program that I've dubbed "I hate my body" (I weigh about 84kg, hoping to get to 75 or so). I like to read, watch tv, play some video games, listen to music (I'm also trying to learn to play piano, to sing and would eventually take guitar lessons). I play chess, have long hair tied in a ponytail, don't drink too much, I'm nice, always ready to help folk... I'm somewhat shy, somewhat awkward in social situations - which probably explains why I haven't had a girlfriend yet; that and the fact that I've mostly had my head up books and video games until about a year ago (not anymore, though). Sort of an average 18 year old, I'd imagine...
As far as relationships go, I've never had a girlfriend, although I'm not a virgin - did it with a woman I met online, who was looking for casual sex. It was ... unfulfilling, as if something so important was not, actually. I believe, I hope that it's just because the woman was not too good looking (a bit too chubby, actually), and because I didn't have any feelings for her. She's also the only woman I've kissed on the lips, so as far as intimacy goes... I'm not the most knowledgeable person.
I've got a number of acquaintances, a smaller number of good friends but nobody who knows me extremely well other than my mother (I'm franco-canadian, and she's the only one with whom I can talk in english, which more or less makes her my person of choice to talk to). That fact somewhat bothers me, but it's not what's important.
Now, I imagine you've got some idea of what person I am. Now the situation.
So, the advice I'm looking for is pertaining a certain woman. She's the same age as me, smart, in med school, very good looking with a nice character, I'd say. She was in the same class as me in junior high (when I was a young, foolish person) until high school came and, well, she went somewhere and I went elsewhere. In any case, for four years I used to see her practically daily, and for three years I didn't anymore. I didn't seem to mind, for some reason. I still thought of her from time to time, usually thinking that I loved her, but it didn't really matter. And a couple of love songs made me think of her, to the point where I didn't want to listen to them anymore (that still happens, actually - and it seems to happen more and more often, even if it's a very nice song, I get reluctant to listen to it because it makes me think of her...)
Then, out of the blue, I saw her again in late november, outside my law school - she's got a friend in law school as well, apparently, and came to see her. I seem to remember thinking that she sort of blew me off...
In any case, that got her back in my mind again, since I dreamt of her the next night. I usually believe in dreams - they're a door to our subconscious, after all - and this dream involved me asking her to be my girlfriend, her saying she'd have to think about it, and in the end, her saying yes. At that point, I felt awesome, I think. I can't remember anything else, but the main effect it had was to make me take stock of my life: I realised being with her would be like a dream, something I'd really like - as I thought of her, I felt something that I can only guess was love, or real yearning for her love - but this dream wasn't a reality yet. So I decided to try to make it a reality, to end up with that amazing woman. I felt (still do, somewhat) that she was too good for me - that I wasn't on the same level as her. So I tried to change that, to try to be smarter, more sociable, mainly better looking. I started working out a bit (too look better...), playing the piano a little, trying to be more attentive in class... I also tried to see her a couple of times, at the mid-term exams for med school - missed her, though...
Anyway, that was in late november, early december, and now it's mid-february...
I'm trying to change slightly, I'm going to work out more, work more, I gave up some bad habits (mainly #+@+, I must say...), and have dreamt of her a few times. None specifically indicated us being in a relationship, but showed instances of me being thoughtful about her (in one case she was leaving on a trip, and I saw her off, for example). I still think of her a lot (like I said, songs that remind me of her are getting more numerous, to the point were I sometimes simply endure them).
I've also had a number of - how to put it? - odd thoughts. Odd in the sense that they're not the usual kind of thoughts one has when contemplating a relationship, I suppose. For example, I was in civil law class about names and the french rules about them. That led me to think, somehow, that, if we were to get married, I couldn't see her taking my name, nor did I imagine myself having hers - the conclusion being that I would first take my mom's maiden name, then get married (for info: her name and mine are terribly long and not really nice sounding, obvious subjects to derision - my mom's maiden name is slightly better, I think).
My main thoughts are that I want to make her happy, most of all. To be with her through thick and think, in bad times and good times... I'm more or less ready to do a large number of changes to be with her - as small as cutting my hair short (how many women like long hair, by the way? mine go down to my shoulders, are usually tied in a ponytail, and are naturally straight), to as large as ... well, I don't know what I'd have to give up.
And that's part of the problem. I've realized, over the past couple of months, that I don't know that much about her. Even when we were in junior high together, I didn't hang out much with her - there was a sort of divide between girls and boys, and that was it. Also, at school, I'm pretty serious (mind on the job, that kind of stuff), and I used to be/still am to some extent ignorant on how to talk to girls.
I don't know, for example, if she's got a boyfriend, if she had one, if she wants one, what she's looking for in a guy, what she really likes, whether she's a bookworm, or doesn't read at all, etc. I don't know much, mainly that I'd love to be with her.
The main part of the problem, is that I don't have the chance to see her a lot, which somewhat annoys me.
So, to try to sum up my situation: I believe I love a woman who I don't really know at all, but have been thinking about for about 7 years. I've started wondering, briefly, not quite seriously, considering the fact that I don't know her tastes, whether this was more some kind of infatuation, crush, or something less than real love? How could one tell the difference? How does someone really know what love is? Does one need to know a lot about someone to love that person?
As an aside to those more important questions, how does a relationship evolve from simple acquaintance to true love? Also, how could I somehow get her attention, and eventually get her to be my girlfriend? I don't think that asking her out directly is a good idea, considering she's very busy with med school and I've got law school. I also realize, if I get the chance to talk to her, that telling her I love her is a bad idea as well.
So... thanks for reading all that, sorry if this isn't the right place to ask for this kind of stuff, and any help you could give is very much appreciated!
So.. where to start?
Some characteristics: I'm 18, I live in France, I'm in my first year at law school, hoping to be a diplomat, or eventually a lawyer later. Decent at school, although that's only because I'm not very inspired by my work - I think once I get a job I'll be far more achieving, since it should be something interesting. I'm pretty smart, trying to get fit through an exercise program that I've dubbed "I hate my body" (I weigh about 84kg, hoping to get to 75 or so). I like to read, watch tv, play some video games, listen to music (I'm also trying to learn to play piano, to sing and would eventually take guitar lessons). I play chess, have long hair tied in a ponytail, don't drink too much, I'm nice, always ready to help folk... I'm somewhat shy, somewhat awkward in social situations - which probably explains why I haven't had a girlfriend yet; that and the fact that I've mostly had my head up books and video games until about a year ago (not anymore, though). Sort of an average 18 year old, I'd imagine...
As far as relationships go, I've never had a girlfriend, although I'm not a virgin - did it with a woman I met online, who was looking for casual sex. It was ... unfulfilling, as if something so important was not, actually. I believe, I hope that it's just because the woman was not too good looking (a bit too chubby, actually), and because I didn't have any feelings for her. She's also the only woman I've kissed on the lips, so as far as intimacy goes... I'm not the most knowledgeable person.
I've got a number of acquaintances, a smaller number of good friends but nobody who knows me extremely well other than my mother (I'm franco-canadian, and she's the only one with whom I can talk in english, which more or less makes her my person of choice to talk to). That fact somewhat bothers me, but it's not what's important.
Now, I imagine you've got some idea of what person I am. Now the situation.
So, the advice I'm looking for is pertaining a certain woman. She's the same age as me, smart, in med school, very good looking with a nice character, I'd say. She was in the same class as me in junior high (when I was a young, foolish person) until high school came and, well, she went somewhere and I went elsewhere. In any case, for four years I used to see her practically daily, and for three years I didn't anymore. I didn't seem to mind, for some reason. I still thought of her from time to time, usually thinking that I loved her, but it didn't really matter. And a couple of love songs made me think of her, to the point where I didn't want to listen to them anymore (that still happens, actually - and it seems to happen more and more often, even if it's a very nice song, I get reluctant to listen to it because it makes me think of her...)
Then, out of the blue, I saw her again in late november, outside my law school - she's got a friend in law school as well, apparently, and came to see her. I seem to remember thinking that she sort of blew me off...
In any case, that got her back in my mind again, since I dreamt of her the next night. I usually believe in dreams - they're a door to our subconscious, after all - and this dream involved me asking her to be my girlfriend, her saying she'd have to think about it, and in the end, her saying yes. At that point, I felt awesome, I think. I can't remember anything else, but the main effect it had was to make me take stock of my life: I realised being with her would be like a dream, something I'd really like - as I thought of her, I felt something that I can only guess was love, or real yearning for her love - but this dream wasn't a reality yet. So I decided to try to make it a reality, to end up with that amazing woman. I felt (still do, somewhat) that she was too good for me - that I wasn't on the same level as her. So I tried to change that, to try to be smarter, more sociable, mainly better looking. I started working out a bit (too look better...), playing the piano a little, trying to be more attentive in class... I also tried to see her a couple of times, at the mid-term exams for med school - missed her, though...
Anyway, that was in late november, early december, and now it's mid-february...
I'm trying to change slightly, I'm going to work out more, work more, I gave up some bad habits (mainly #+@+, I must say...), and have dreamt of her a few times. None specifically indicated us being in a relationship, but showed instances of me being thoughtful about her (in one case she was leaving on a trip, and I saw her off, for example). I still think of her a lot (like I said, songs that remind me of her are getting more numerous, to the point were I sometimes simply endure them).
I've also had a number of - how to put it? - odd thoughts. Odd in the sense that they're not the usual kind of thoughts one has when contemplating a relationship, I suppose. For example, I was in civil law class about names and the french rules about them. That led me to think, somehow, that, if we were to get married, I couldn't see her taking my name, nor did I imagine myself having hers - the conclusion being that I would first take my mom's maiden name, then get married (for info: her name and mine are terribly long and not really nice sounding, obvious subjects to derision - my mom's maiden name is slightly better, I think).
My main thoughts are that I want to make her happy, most of all. To be with her through thick and think, in bad times and good times... I'm more or less ready to do a large number of changes to be with her - as small as cutting my hair short (how many women like long hair, by the way? mine go down to my shoulders, are usually tied in a ponytail, and are naturally straight), to as large as ... well, I don't know what I'd have to give up.
And that's part of the problem. I've realized, over the past couple of months, that I don't know that much about her. Even when we were in junior high together, I didn't hang out much with her - there was a sort of divide between girls and boys, and that was it. Also, at school, I'm pretty serious (mind on the job, that kind of stuff), and I used to be/still am to some extent ignorant on how to talk to girls.
I don't know, for example, if she's got a boyfriend, if she had one, if she wants one, what she's looking for in a guy, what she really likes, whether she's a bookworm, or doesn't read at all, etc. I don't know much, mainly that I'd love to be with her.
The main part of the problem, is that I don't have the chance to see her a lot, which somewhat annoys me.
So, to try to sum up my situation: I believe I love a woman who I don't really know at all, but have been thinking about for about 7 years. I've started wondering, briefly, not quite seriously, considering the fact that I don't know her tastes, whether this was more some kind of infatuation, crush, or something less than real love? How could one tell the difference? How does someone really know what love is? Does one need to know a lot about someone to love that person?
As an aside to those more important questions, how does a relationship evolve from simple acquaintance to true love? Also, how could I somehow get her attention, and eventually get her to be my girlfriend? I don't think that asking her out directly is a good idea, considering she's very busy with med school and I've got law school. I also realize, if I get the chance to talk to her, that telling her I love her is a bad idea as well.
So... thanks for reading all that, sorry if this isn't the right place to ask for this kind of stuff, and any help you could give is very much appreciated!
